I greet this month with ecstatic joy for many reasons. First, there's more big change on the agenda that I'm thrilled about-- but more on that later. Second, April wasn't my month. Of course, I had a good ole time and the weather was beautiful and life was sunny, as usual. But I had some real hang-ups this month. Hang-ups I should have let go of, should have not tried to handle myself, should have exhaled and given them up to Someone much bigger.
But I didn't. And hindsight is 20/20. So I'm searching for ways to make this a positive learning experience for May.
You see, I am a worrier. As in, my thoughts sometimes get so far away from me that before I know it I'll be worrying about getting an incurable disease that stemmed from a stomach ache. I hinted at this a bit on Monday, but I'm talking about it a little more in-depth today because, to be honest, I got so many emails and comments from you after Monday's post that I have an inkling there are a few others of you out there with the same problem. So I'm admitting I have this problem. I preach lots of carpe diem, no-day-but-today talk. And I sincerely, truly believe there is reason for celebration and joy in all circumstances. But does that keep the knots from my stomach or the crazy thoughts from swirling in my head the moment a situation arises that I can't see the outcome of? Absolutely not.
And I have a real problem with letting those moments go and really giving them up, even though I think that I (probably, most likely) am. I've been a worrier since I was a child--a not-so-great characteristic that my mother is constantly trying to break me of. And even though I have tons of experience with worry not changing a thing, and really only adding stress or anxiety to my days, I keep doing it. For years, I have simply thought, I can't help it.
But I can. And I know this because He reminded me this morning:
"As you give yourself more and more to a life of constant communion with Me, you will find that you simply have no time for worry. Thus, you are freed to let My Spirit direct your steps, enabling you to walk along the path of Peace."
He tapped on my soul and said, "Ainsley, why do you do this? Let Me. I'll show you the way." And I was calm. For the first time in a month, my anxiety and fear was overpowered with a sense of peace in that though I don't know the outcome, He does. So, for May, I'm going to
Focus on letting Him deal with all the outcomes I can't see. No more nervous stomach, what-if thoughts, damning outcomes in my brain-- I'm in rehab for worrying, friends.
We just got real here, I realize. But do any of you have a sure-fire combat plan for worry?
Daily gratitude: Revelation and baby steps to change.