Hello May + Resolution

Bam. Happy May. All month long, ladies. Reminded to you by Justin himself.
But seriously:

 

I greet this month with ecstatic joy for many reasons. First, there's more big change on the agenda that I'm thrilled about-- but more on that later. Second, April wasn't my month. Of course, I had a good ole time and the weather was beautiful and life was sunny, as usual. But I had some real hang-ups this month. Hang-ups I should have let go of, should have not tried to handle myself, should have exhaled and given them up to Someone much bigger.

But I didn't. And hindsight is 20/20. So I'm searching for ways to make this a positive learning experience for May.

You see, I am a worrier. As in, my thoughts sometimes get so far away from me that before I know it I'll be worrying about getting an incurable disease that stemmed from a stomach ache. I hinted at this a bit on Monday, but I'm talking about it a little more in-depth today because, to be honest, I got so many emails and comments from you after Monday's post that I have an inkling there are a few others of you out there with the same problem. So I'm admitting I have this problem. I preach lots of carpe diem, no-day-but-today talk. And I sincerely, truly believe there is reason for celebration and joy in all circumstances. But does that keep the knots from my stomach or the crazy thoughts from swirling in my head the moment a situation arises that I can't see the outcome of? Absolutely not.

And I have a real problem with letting those moments go and really giving them up, even though I think that I (probably, most likely) am. I've been a worrier since I was a child--a not-so-great characteristic that my mother is constantly trying to break me of. And even though I have tons of experience with worry not changing a thing, and really only adding stress or anxiety to my days, I keep doing it. For years, I have simply thought, I can't help it.

But I can. And I know this because He reminded me this morning:

"As you give yourself more and more to a life of constant communion with Me, you will find that you simply have no time for worry. Thus, you are freed to let My Spirit direct your steps, enabling you to walk along the path of Peace."

He tapped on my soul  and said, "Ainsley, why do you do this? Let Me. I'll show you the way." And I was calm. For the first time in a month, my anxiety and fear was overpowered with a sense of peace in that though I don't know the outcome, He does. So, for May, I'm going to
Consciously
Deliberately
Intentionally
Focus on letting Him deal with all the outcomes I can't see. No more nervous stomach, what-if thoughts, damning outcomes in my brain-- I'm in rehab for worrying, friends.

We just got real here, I realize. But do any of you have a sure-fire combat plan for worry?
Daily gratitude: Revelation and baby steps to change.
xoxo

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Monday Mantra + Inside, Outside

Monday, Monday, Monday. You and I are beginning to resolve our relationship.

Perhaps it's the sunny blue skies and these new springtime sounds I can hear through my balcony. Perhaps its the new month stretched ahead like a blank canvas that seems so promising. Or, perhaps, it's simply the sense of change running through my veins that is invigorating as I stretch my legs for the first time in a while, beginning to create something a little different this time around.

Here's to the inside and the inside this week, my friends.
Happy Monday!
xoxo

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Monday Mantra + October + More Confessions

I'm ignoring the fact that I haven't written in almost a month.
I'm also ignoring the fact that I've said that before.
The truth is, I'd look at the blank pages of my blog as life was happening so quickly around me, taking aways moments, hours, days in what seemed to be the blink of an eye. I'd look up and, oh, yes, there it goes—I've stopped making time (like I've discussed here before.) I was left wondering, more than once, about balance and managing everything just so and how occasionally weeks can seem like a house of cards that you're building up, up, and up with the utmost optimism but maybe, and who knows when, those cards will fall if you aren't careful. I would look up from my cell or my computer or the camera just long enough to think, I'm just so busy, I don't possibly have time to do anything else one hundred percent, so I'll wait just a bit longer until I do.
And then I stumbled across this, and it couldn't have fallen together more perfectly:

Sometimes all you need to get back in the groove, whatever your groove may be, is a little nudge. And it looks like Miss Prepared for Everything could use to be a little less prepared.
Big surprise.
So here I am, making time again. For what, exactly, who knows? But making time nonetheless. Maybe making time for phone calls and catch-ups. Making time for long walks and lessons. Making time for writing words that come straight from the soul, and making time for me so that moments to myself don't feel so much like this:

Making time, essentially, to live life a little less deterred by the significantly small amount of hours in the day and let the edges unravel just enough that the schedules and time frames aren't quite so important.
September was a month of whirlwinds and fantastic adventures. After spending a week in New York for Fashion Week take two, I jetted back to the beach for birthdays, reunions, and a challenging but creatively satisfying work schedule. And amidst the events and the photo shoots and the meetings and the planning, I was thankful for moments when I felt myself able to exercise the ole brain muscle.
But now it is October, already, which always means a new start essentially. So here's to a Monday mantra, though a bit late in the game, celebrating a bit less planning and a lot more doing.
Happy Monday.
xoxo

Photo creds here.